Has it really been a year since I last blogged! Wow!
Some real life changing shit happened in 2019 and I have not openly dealt with one in particular. I think it’s time I talk about the man I loved and lost! If I strike up the courage to really go deep with it, I will publish it on his Feb 29th B’Earth Day!
I thought I could handle his death without talking about it frfr. However, a late night conversation with a friend girl of mine, who knew all the inside, ups and downs of our rock and steady 8-year Pisces love affair, comforted my snotty sobs with sweet memories of him last night! I am so grateful for her being a lioness who listens more than she roars. I love and appreciate you, Goddess!
So yeah! It’s about to get really heated up in here on this love thang! I think it’s time I finally deal with matters of the heart! I have kept my love life out of my writing, but the stories are begging to be told. I probably should write a book instead of blog about it though! Lol! There’s no harm in profiting from my growing pains. Right?!
Regardless of the platform, I plan to blog for the health of it in 2020!
The more I aged and the bigger or more mature my stomach, ass and thighs got…the less I revealed. I’ve never worn a size bigger than a 12 my entire life, but somewhere down the timeline, I started over thinking my body’s image! And even now, no matter how many compliments I receive from both men and women about my body, I still give a side eye instead of a simple thank you!
I BLAME IT ON MY BABIES…you see:
My dreams of acting and modeling were stunted after my first taste of classroom teaching. I was hooked. As a twenty something high school teacher who still looked like a high school student, I made the decision to be taken seriously by any means necessary and that involved always acting professional and dressing conservatively…VERY CONSERVATIVE! And because I always thought it was important to live within the same community as my students (except for one position😏) the chances of bumping into them after work were guaranteed! So I mummified myself in public but performed “Private Dancer” stripteases in front of my mirror or man behind closed doors.
I still long for the hippie flower child freedom I exhibited before having children. So now that I’m an empty nester. Meaning, I no longer teach high school and all my babies are GROWN. Perhaps, I can get naked! My 50th is just around the corner in March and every milestone birthday I promise myself a liberation or revealing party: A staged scantily dressed photo shoot or exotic dance where I can have a Badu Window Seat moment. So if it doesn’t happen this March, forgive me now for becoming that one video sensation, tutu-dancing 70-year young elder who twerks in the streets and makes it rain! 😜 And don’t blame it on the alcohol…fault the Catholic School girl in me!😇😈
So many social platforms with very little time to serve them all well? CROSS MARKETS! Yeah! Being that I’m still a “nobody” by subscriber and viral standards, I am sure to bug some of the same people. But hey! They are free to move about the social cabin, right?Creating new and fresh content is hard work, my people! I admire those who make it look easy.
Wow! I have missed you! I have neglected blogging but I am still working the publishing circuits. Soooooo many blessings and opportunities are coming together all at once. It is difficult to strike a balance, especially when I enjoy being a lazy loner. 🤷🏽♀️However, I won’t complain!
My latest project is kicking off quite well! They say the third one is a charm and I am convinced that they were telling the truth! My illustrator, Sylvia “Gbaby” Cohen and I struck a harmonious creative relationship and I am honored to have my words graced by the pages of her artwork! If you are searching for a book to gently, without preaching, teach our children the path to discovering who they are, minus material possessions, name-brands and false securities, you need to visit Amazon and purchase your copy today! Please feel free to share a written or recorded book review! They are worth more than coins!
Here’s the deal: I looooove brainstorming ideas, writing books and dreaming about possibilities. Meeting deadlines, however, are not my thing. I told readers in the intro that my postings would be self-centered and random. I’m HONEST!😛
But if you are still checking for the Sangoddess to speak… stay with me. I am a one-woman show who still has to work for someone else for a paycheck so time is limited (cutting my hair frees up quite a bit… lol). Still, I’m dreaming and thinking of a master plan to turn my passions into prosperity!
Meanwhile, check out my latest baby, Lil’ Irene Loves Big Earrings. She is due to hit the Amazon shelves by the end of this week…another deadline😞. Of course, purchase details will soon follow this shameless self horn tooting! “How else will we know people are coming if they don’t toot their own horns?” Some witty bragger once said.
Stop by Books In Our Image or follow Books in Our Image or check out Books in Our Image here. Just remember, all of these platforms are managed by a single woman with a job in case they are not updated frequently.😘
And please visit my bad ass illustrator, Gbaby! I am so blessed and honored to have my pages visually mastered with her beautiful art pieces.
Your visits and comments are welcomed, loved and appreciated!
This is that real woman shit I’m talking about right here!When we actually connect and share on deep-rooted levels as women…a sisterhood bond is awakened. We become each other’s biggest relationship goal supporters…even if it involves our ex!
However, one possible problem or challenge may arise if the women feel a sense of ownership, control or entitlement where the MAN they both share/shared (depending on the honesty of the trio) is concerned. In reality and spiritual/universal law, the MAN owes his life force to only his Creator and those he create (depending on your religious make-up). He is FREE to make a commitment to his current wife/woman while keeping previous or present relationships that tie him to various women.
Whether women dislike it, attempt to control it or get upset over it, HE’S FREE TO BE! There are no Human Contracts. The real issue is whether all parties can respectfully honor the established boundaries of their various relationship and commitment types. There will be NO PEACE if the women fail to trust and respect each other’s positions, especially if they are dealing with a lying, manipulative, push-over, pussy controlled male whose self-worth feeds off adversary women fighting over him! Or any man who prefers the women in his life remain cold, isolated strangers and only he is allowed to facilitate their interactions, serving as THE MIDDLEMAN (pun intended).
The chances of finding virgin or childless adults are rare. Most adults come with a past and/or baggage. So in order to have PEACE, men need to make themselves comfortable seated at the table with all their “women” wearing big girl panties, and women need to make sure men are king-ready before being talked out of wearing any.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY GODDESSES!😘
It’s like promising to never eat candy after a teeth cleaning or vowing to be celibate after a Pap smear or cutting all your hair off after a breakup or scrubbing clean and burning sage after negative people have occupied your home…
My ten-day Master Cleanse kicked off a clean living frenzy! My kitchen is old and outdated but I revived it by rearranging furniture, removing the stove, downsizing the fridge, adding my Urban Rebounder and updating cooking gadgets and utensils.
Removing large, energy sucking appliances allows space for trampoline jumping and exercising. What better place and time to get in a little cardio and stretching than a kitchen? Plus, it reminds me of how my food and exercise connect.
Similar to my laundromat/gym business idea: Most people sit, smoke, eat or watch television while waiting at a laundromat. Why not get an exercise quickie in while you wait instead? I’m sure this already exists somewhere in the world!
I ended the detox twenty pounds lighter and renewed my commitment to eating mainly wholesome home-cooked and raw foods. So far, my kitchen has been filled with pots of vegetable soups and beans, chopping boards of fresh produce and a blender of fresh ingredients.
Once again, I’m promising to stay the course. However, lifestyle changes CHANGE! LIFE HAPPENS! Stress and emotional eating are real. Right? So I prefer to call it lifestyle tuning instead of changing. Our bodies require regular check-in’s, up’s and out’s in order that we make positive choices. This way, I won’t beat myself up or make excuses for not sticking to the last LIFE STYLE CHANGE I made!
Two old pictures of me and my mom side by side. It has been this way since my birth. Choosing to attend a university away from home initiated my first major attempt to escape my mother’s suffocation. Don’t get me wrong. I love and adore my mother and our closeness. We talk daily. Oddly enough, we don’t see each other every day, but we can literally feel each other’s presence. She occupies the downstairs unit of our two-family home. I purchased it in July ’98 and she’s been here since ’99/’00. You do the math! LOL! It has been the two of us…together through EVERYTHING!
I have always admired my mother’s beauty, work ethic, parenting and sacrifice. There’s just ONE THING that I wish she had found: TRUE LOVE! I have listened to her scare tactics about men since first or second grade! LOL! She taught me to marry before having sex. She compared the vagina to a cake (Rihanna owes her royalties…lol) The cake had to remain intact for my husband. “Would you present a birthday cake with slices already eaten?” It kind of makes since, huh? Maybe it does…coming from a southern girl raised Pentecostal. But come on now! That was not going to work for a ghetto Catholic school girl. LOL! Hey! I think I did pretty good. I was a senior in high school when I lost my virginity. But rather than walk down an aisle, I ran off to college instead! WHEW! FREEDOM! After teaching in New Orleans and flying for Continental Airlines, I decided to teach and settle back home in St. Louis. Nothing holds you hostage like a house, so it was a done deal once I turned thirty and purchased a home. Now here we are, two old ladies who talk on the phone several times a day, and live side by side.
What triggered this narrative testimony is my viewing of the movie, Roxanne Roxanne, based off the first female rapper, Roxanne Shante, and written and directed by a St. Louis native, Michael Larnell. The movie’s portrayal of Roxanne Shante’s mother and daughter relationship gut punched me. Aside from the alcoholism, the mother, played by Nia Long, strongly reminded me of my mother. They both share shady views of men, hold very little trust in their intentions, scrutinize any man you pick and shame you out of even thinking about the possibility of REAL LOVE.
Unlike sixteen year old Roxanne Shante, who chose an older man despite her mother’s profane disapproval, I had to wait until 49 years of age before I could totally shut down my mother’s manipulative and male bashing attempts to keep me near. Her approach is less vicious now that I am older, but the intent remains the same. After recently sharing my feelings about this particular brotha possibly being THE ONE, I could hear her under breath sigh of doubt and pessimism. However, this time, I was TOTALLY unfazed. Without getting defensive and emotional, I shared how there are GOOD MEN out here. We are just too often blinded or consumed by the swag, games, pimping, fragility and badness of BOYS to see them. I clearly explained my decision to surrender my sword. It is no longer needed. I have been blessed with the opportunity to get to know one of THE GOOD ONES. Unfortunately for Roxanne Shante, she was too young to peep the abusive predator in her older man. I, on the other hand, have lived looooooong enough to see pass the bullshit. Oh! And about that birthday cake…it’s still good!