You know, there is a lot of hype created around the idea of family. The family is the unit or backbone of society or nation building. Family should come first. The family…blah…blah..blah. No, I am not throwing shade on the notion of family, but I do believe we need to redefine what the word means, especially due to our coming/captured/colonized American experience. We have been trying to fit a white family model every since. Our families have changed drastically and so should our definition of them. Once upon a time, family names held all its members to a standard and tradition. The individuals within that family naturally acquired autonomy, but their individual feelings and behaviors did not override the sustainability of the collective family unit.
There is power in creating a strong force of kindred spirits to help manifest something exemplary that is worthy of praise. It is one of the reasons why most people prefer to fellow-worship. The act of them coming together to celebrate and nurture a set of principles they all believe and defend in life and death is transcending and transforming to say the least. The believers demonstrate an obligation to their faith and fellowship by upholding a set of beliefs and principles. And in order to maintain their strength in following and adhering to those principles, the believers meet regularly to stay the path.
What makes staying the course a challenge: Free will! Yes! CHOICES! Our choices make the difference! Hopefully, the more we mature, the better choices we make. Realistically, that is not always the case. We have adults who beg other adults for what they need, blame other adults for their shortcoming and failures, or manipulate other adults into resolving their self-inflicted problems. When in actuality, we all struggle with making our lives work in the face of personal and systematic challenges stacked against us. Nonetheless, some of us have selected a drum rather than a violin as our instrument of choice! If there is one thing I want said at my Homecoming, it is: Here lies a woman who did not “shoulda, coulda woulda” in life! I love life and all its possibilities even in its unfairness and ugliness. Adults who complain about their life, annoy the heaven out of me. And don’t let it be a blood relative! Like, come on now! Stop making the family look bad out here in these streets!
They say a family that prays together… stays together. I would like to add to the list: A family that talks to each other…a family that confronts conflict together…a family that holds individuals accountable…a family that refutes gossip…a family that supports each person’s success without competition…a family that defends and protects each other…a family that exposes hurtful secrets…a family that defies favoritism and a family that supports the role of each family member. If we are NOT cooking with the ingredients that make us a family, I reserve the right to excuse myself from the table. I am now free to dine where the menu best serves my health and longevity regardless of a missing blood link. Therefore, I strive to fellowship with adults who are making positive life choices while encouraging others to do the same. Hopefully, those constantly making personal decisions that are unaligned with their family’s WAKANDA will eventually own it and accept their fate before destroying their family’s legacy with violin strings of “shoulda…coulda…woulda”!