I don’t feed women’s insecurities about their men. I don’t seek attention from men in established and personal relationships. Whenever I meet couples, I make sure my interaction with the man is not flirtatious or casual. I make eye contact with the woman…not the man. If the man specifically addresses me, I speak to both the man and woman as a unit. I genuinely compliment the woman or anything positive I notice about the two of them as a couple. Basically, I go overboard to make sure a woman knows that I have no interest whatsoever in her man!
Why??? Because I damn sho’ know what it feels like to be in a relationship that feels unstable, fragile, insecure, dysfunctional, abusive and co-dependent! I can easily detect the signs, especially on social mediums, where women’s tags, pictures and posts too often scream self-doubt and desperation. Therefore, I do my best to honor a couple’s union, regardless of its apparent sinkholes. Again, because I have been there! But if I had to be totally honest, I only felt insecure when I felt bad about me. If ever I was uncomfortable about my size, hair, job, finances, health, friendships or creativity, my relationship suffered. The painful selfish thought of my man wanting or admiring someone besides me occurred whenever I neglected to desire or admire my damn self.
It sounds so simple when you think or talk about it. But that shit ain’t fun when you’re going through it! There have even been times when the person I dated (due to his insecurity and jealousy), intentionally did things to trigger or offset my “Got Me Looking So Crazy Right Now” button. And once again, where I stood within myself determined my response or reaction to the circumstance.
This obviously is nothing profound or deep. Like many people, I feel the success inside a relationship is determined by how best we prepare ourselves outside of one. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own happiness and SELF-esteem! A man’s adult decision to do something embarrassing, dishonest, unfaithful or hurtful still evolves around how well we value ourselves: Will we choose to remain with an embarrassing, dishonest, unfaithful or hurtful man?
And since a woman may choose to stay, whenever I run into her with her man and she treats me like a red severe terrorist attack, I show her some compassion rather than flirt with the fragility of their homeland security. I show Goddess-ship by helping her to know that I am not the least interested in a man who relies on another woman to secure his woman’s feelings about their relationship!