In the past, I have mainly selected men I could fix, flip and pass on to a willing buyer. It made me feel safe and in control. It padded me from getting hurt from emotional break-ups. After serving as a man’s helpmate, I would reject his committment to being the best man for me. Instead, after repairing him, I placed him in a friend zone until he found someone willing to pick up where I ran off. This became my pattern…my signature piece. Go ahead! Feel free to add your explanation or judgement to the pile: “You must have low self-esteem” or “You just don’t feel you deserve a good man” or ” You must have trust issues” or “You just don’t know your worth” or “Somebody must have really hurt you”, or “You just ain’t met the right brotha yet!” or “You just a selfish, lonely, scary or crazy ass bitch” Perhaps, I’m a little guilty of all the above. But I’ll let you be the JUDGE. You will anyway!
The way I see it, (or rationalize it…lol) I just prefer a spiritually grounded man with dreams and potential who appreciates the value and resources I bring to his life! I’m not interested in stroking or balancing the egos of men who have it all together and are looking to finish their Europeanized ensemble with a feminine mantle piece. If he’s God’s gift to women, may the best woman win him. I’m a Goddess! Is Goddess not a Savior? It’s not too different from guys who prefer stuggling women over independent ones. For some men, the needier, the better! What?! This same concept can’t apply to a woman? Only men are born with the ability to transform and ressurect?
Truthfully speaking, I don’t want to play house. The lifestyle and self-sacrifice it takes to pull it off successfully does not suit me! There are several reasons, but I’ll offer you three: One, I’m not going to work my way to a man’s heart through his stomach, because I don’t enjoy cooking, Second, time and space are my oxygen. The moment I feel suffocated, I’m going out the door for air and I can’t promise I’ll return. I am transient and spontaneous by nature. Third, it only takes my Goddess gut-feeling, to emotionally check out the second I suspect a deal breaker has been broken.
Unfortunately, society’s double-standards have boxed us into gender roles, where girls are expected to desire a house on the cul-de-sac with a picket fence and nuclear family, while boys are allowed to play, roam, roll and bounce from pillar to post until they get good and ready for a house on the cul-de-sac with a picket fence and nuclear family. Yet, women are considered strange, masculine, difficult or confused when they desire to” Run with the Wolves”. Consequently, we are tamed, domesticated and dicked into submission. We are subjected to biblical and religious scriptures meant to put us in our places. We are pressured to imitate the “perfect” traditional roles our mothers and grandmothers played. We are made to feel easily replaceable by women willing to behave and live for men. Still, home for the Women Who Run With the Wolves is in the wilderness. They refuse to be housed.
So unless a man is capable of removing his own patriarchal shackles, Women Who Run With the Wolves will consider him a fixer upper for someone who is looking for a home with a picket fence on a cul-de-sac. Don’t feel sorry for us. We are content with admiring our renovations and appreciating our sale as we ride “Off to Wonderland” with THE ONE who respects and honors our Divinity and takes no interest whatsoever in keeping us confined to a house walled with a fence at a dead-end street.
But I want to be free, free, free/And I just got to be me, yeah, me ~ Deniece Williams